The Evil Girl Scout Cookie

Yes folks, its that time of year again. Where a girl scout (or scouts) come to your doorstep and sell those irresistible cookies. Only nowadays the girls scouts don't come to your doorstep, but still manage to be everywhere ready to sell that delicious treat that you've been waiting for all year. I know that between my sister and I we've somehow managed to buy 10 boxes of sinful delights. Then again, it is also that dreaded cookie that spoils many diets across the country.

I just finished reading Feed Me: Writers Dish About Food, Eating, Weight, and Body Image. This book is a collection of stories from women about their relationship with food and body image. I found this book insightful, even though much of it wasn't exactly a new concept. Basically, many of the stories talk about dieting, eating disorders, attitudes towards how a woman's body should look, etc. Reflecting on the love/hate relationship women have with food and their bodies. What I found so insightful about the book was that it got me thinking about my own current battle as my sister as so termed, "fightn' the fatty".

I was never a fat kid growing up, but I wasn't skinny either. I definitely didn't take after the rest of my family either. All of whom were (and still are) skinny and have metabolisms that could easy match bumble bees. I have the distinct pleasure to take after the side of my family that added weight easily and could not take it off without submitting to an exercise regime that resembled torture. Oh and I probably should mention that I also have Irish, Italian and Lithuanian backgrounds. All of which feature carbs as their main staple for their cuisine. Because apparently, carbs are suppose to be a woman's worst enemy. Potatoes, Pasta, and Dough-Filled Dumplings UNITE!

Despite this pesky inheritance, I was a very active kid and wasn't home very often. I usually could be found biking or walking throughout the town I grew up in. This lead to a muscular physique, plus the very full figure I got while going through an early puberty. I didn't become really conscious of the food/body image relationship until right before my freshman year of high school when I had to get a sports physical from my doctor. The nurse that was recording my vitals had made a comment about my weight in relation to height according to the new and improved height/weight chart in the office. Her comment was that I was a little above average weight and for my below average height. I thought it was entirely bitchy thing to say since the doctor didn't seem to have a problem with my height or my weight which was at 125 lbs.

A year later, when I had to go back for another sports physical. I had participated in 2 sports and managed to drop my baby fat. I was at my lowest weight ever at 116 lbs. The same nurse happened to be taking my vitals again. That time she had the nerve to ask me if I was anorexic. At the time, I was thinking to myself, "can she make up her mind what exactly I am supposed to be?"

I haven't thought about that incident until I started reading the book. Reflecting upon that incident, it is no wonder why women are so screwed up about food and body image. Not only women are fighting images from mass media, but now we are fighting it in the doctor's office too! To this day, I hate being weighed in by my doctor. This hate/fear has grown since my diagnosis of PCOS eleven years ago. No matter what diet/exercise plan I followed, my weight seemed to have a mind of its own since coming down with PCOS.

Even though I now have a doctor and his nurse who are much kinder to me about my weight complications due to the PCOS, I still cringe out of reflex. (I am now appox. 175-180 lbs with the PCOS when I was 125-130 before the diagnosis). My current doctor is more constructive with how to manage weight, food and activity than others doctors I've had. I don't feel (or made to feel) less human in his office because of the weight which is helping me cringe less at the scale. Even though I am considered obese according to the BMI index, I have good cardio endurance, low blood pressure and normal cholesterol levels.

I did have this goal of losing a certain amount of poundage before my 30th birthday in 2 months. However, I am now altering that goal. Since reflecting on my own weight/body image relationship, I have been able to conclude that setting up such a goal is a recipe for failure. So instead of losing a certain amount of poundage by my birthday, my new goal is to actually accept my body's limitations and be more forgiving on myself. Now while this doesn't completely open the flood gates in eating whatever I want, but it will allow me to enjoy my evil girl scout cookies that much more.

A Total Lack of Motivation

Seriously! Spring is actually peaking its head out this weekend. It has been sunny most of the time this past week. And, I still can't manage to motivate myself.

This winter has been particularly bad for me. I've had periods of low motivation and managed to bounce back. However, this past month has been really awful. I am in such a funk right now. I can't get motivated to do basic things at work. There are things I've really got to get a move on in order to achieve some personal goals and I continue to apathetic towards getting them done.

I can't honestly blame this recent bout on the latest economy buzz. Whatever is going to happen with that is going to happen. Hey maybe the bank in charge of my credit cards will fail and I won't have to pay on them anymore (hey a girl can dream, can't I?).

Worst yet, I know that I am not the only one that has had the wind puffed out of their sails. It seems to be a growing epidemic. Friends, co-workers, random chats with strangers, all suffer from this comatose state of no progress. So, what swift kick in the ass could get us back in gear? I don't have any answers. But, hopefully something comes to me soon because this lack of motivation is driving me crazy.

The Worst (And Most Common) Etiquette Mistakes

I found this on Yahoo.com and thought it was pretty funny (and how true).

Posted Mon, Mar 02, 2009, 10:53 am PST

• Party Poopers When you receive an invitation to a dinner or party--whether by Evite, voicemail, or casual email--RESPOND. Yeah, that’s what that little “RSVP” thing means. Everyone knows it, yet it’s amazing how many don’t respond. Even for weddings! Planning a party or event requires a lot of work, so do the host a simple favor and let them know if you're coming or not.
• Nickel & Dimin’ How annoying is it when you go to dinner with four or more people, the check finally arrives, and one of your meal companions begins to divvy up the check down to the last penny? Sure, we get that Sally had a shrimp salad, and Janet had two iced teas, while Beth only had water, and you ordered a slice of peach pie (a la mode, which is extra). The point is, if you go out to dinner with a group, be prepared to split the bill more or less evenly. If there's an outstanding cost differential, fine, estimate it and be done with it. The person who spends twenty minutes dividing the bill to the dime comes off as a cheapskate –- and kills the festive mood.
• The Line-Up Lines are a fact of life. At the post office, the supermarket, just about everywhere these days. For starters, moaners who huff and gripe about standing in a line of three people for all of five minutes are tops on our list. Get over yourself -- if you don’t have a few minutes to wait to buy that loaf of bread, then pick it up another time. Another thing: Don’t show your impatience by creeping up so close to the person in front of you that they can feel your breath. Crowding those around you will not get you to the front any faster, so give them some space. Finally, cutting in line or trying to ignore the fact that there IS a line –- stop it! Everyone’s time is valuable.
• The ME Show It’s great to hear all the crazy, wacky, wonderful things happening in the lives of others. Jobs, engagements, breakups, boyfriends, puppies, pregnancies, vacations — very good stuff, all of it. But once you’ve listened to a friend, family member, or colleague spout about their own fabulous life for an hour (or two), it’s normal to expect them to ask, “So, what’s going on with you?” Those who blab on about themselves while you listen intently, then don’t ask a thing about you in return are just plain rude.
• Baby Biz Changing a poopy baby diaper around others is nasty -- and we're moms. Changing the other kind of baby diaper in public is one thing, but still should only be done when absolutely necessary!
• Mobile Madness As much as we love the modern age, there are days when we long to go to a coffee shop, movie theatre, bookstore, or post office and not hear some teen queen dishing to her friend about last night's hot date with Todd or eavesdrop (unwillingly) on a screaming family feud. Mobile phones are essential, but please, people, pleeeeeeease, use a little restraint on the when's, what's, and where's. We're happy that Todd is "totally built" but we're going to have to start walking around town and slapping people with "TMI" tickets (yes, too much information).
• Smokes Everyone has a right to smoke in public, but be conscious of whose face your smoke is blowing into. Are there kids nearby? And we just might kick the butt of the next person we see throwing their burning butt on the ground without putting it out. Really, find an ashtray or trashcan where you can extinguish and dispose of it properly -- that thing is garbage, not decoration for our streets and sidewalks.
• The Pee & Flee Public bathrooms get used by everyone -- yup, they're public! So, making a mess of the toilet seat, and then prancing out without bothering to wipe it up -- not cool. Leaving a mess for the next visitor is completely unacceptable (and disgustingly unsanitary, of course). Take 10 seconds to rip off a piece of toilet paper, toilet seat cover, or a paper towel, and do your due diligence!
• Stealing...a parking spot, that is. Yeah, you know who you are. If someone has their blinker on and is patiently waiting for a spot, it's theirs. And if you've already passed a spot up, it's gone. Treat others as you expect to be treated, and the parking goddesses will smile down upon you... eventually.
• Belly Baring Men, women -- anyone who's passed puberty, everyone who isn't lounging poolside or oceanside -- resist the urge to bare those bellies. They may be beautiful, Buddha-like, jolly, but sometimes they can be flabby, hairy, and not ripe for public consumption. If you're jogging, fellas, t-shirts or tanks won't hurt your workout, so throw one on. Gals, midriff fashions are never really on our "Do" list, and that goes double if your age doesn't contain the word "teen." There are plenty of ways for all of us to flaunt what we got without sharing our tum-tums with the world.
• Spitting This gets especially yucky when it's one of those enormous globs that looks like it could be alive. Some people (males, in particular) think it's kind of a cool-guy thing to do. We're here to tell ya that no one wants to see you hock a big gooey one out of your car, onto the sidewalk, or anywhere else for that matter. Try a tissue.
• Honking Problem People who honk too often, too unnecessarily, or just to express their emotions are on our list of Most Etiquette Challenged. If you're trying to warn someone about a collision or problem, fine, otherwise it's not that serious. Give it a rest!

Lost for Words

Ok, so my honorary niece's baptism is less than 24 hours away and I am still stuck on what kind of message to write in her card. Yeah, I know that she is only 8 months old and can't read yet, but I would like to say something meaningful that she can read later on in life. My gift is already a bit unconventional. So I figured if I write out the reason for the gift I chose then maybe I can figure out what to say.

First, it took me a while to figure out what to get her. I am not a godparent so the typical baptism gifts aren't appropriate for me to get. I hear that getting the baby Certificates of Deposit or starting education funds are now popular gifts. Well, I don't have the money for that. So needless to say I was having a really hard time with this, because I really didn't want to show up empty-handed tomorrow (although, my friend wouldn't care anyway since my showing up would be gift enough). So, after much debating I decided to purchase a flock of chicks through Heifer International.

Heifer International, for those of you who don't know, is a nonprofit organization that works internationally to end hunger and poverty. The general idea about the program goes like this: Heifer gives animals (through donations) to an impoverish family somewhere around the world. Heifer teaches the family how to take care of the animals and the environment. The family then is able to use the by-products of the animal to either feed themselves or earn income to help send children to school or other basic needs that ordinarily wouldn't be obtainable otherwise. And, as part of the contract for receiving the animal, that family would have to show the same generosity by giving another family the offspring of their Heifer animal and teach them how to take care of it. Therefore, an entire village or town could eventually become self-sufficient. Also, the people in that town or village could reside in peace since they wouldn't be starving or too poor to meet other basic needs.

My thinking is how cool would it be to tie the start of her spiritual journey to this. After all isn't that what Jesus was really getting at with his lessons about loving your neighbor as you would yourself. For me, the most important lesson Jesus ever gave to the world is the Golden Rule: In everything do to others as you would have them do to you. (Mk 7:12) This lesson really sums up the many ways Jesus teaches about how love should be the center of all you do. And, the other thing that I find so appealing about this lesson is that anyone, regardless of religious practice, can apply this in their everyday life. So maybe if everyone applied this simple but not-so-simple rule to their everyday activities, we might not have war, racism, sexism (or other "isms" for that matter), or live in fear, intolerance, greed that plague people in general.

So, my thinking is that if I can figure out an eloquent way to word how this donation ties into Jesus' teachings, then I can contribute in a small way to the foundation of my honorary niece's spiritual journey.

Geez, Time Does Fly

Ok, so it's been over a year since I posted on this blog. It has been a very challenging year for me, and it has not been until now that I feel that I can actually discuss what has been going on.

This past year, I've took a lower paying job, joined a church, and haven't progressed further towards my doctorate degree. You're probably saying to yourself, WTF? Danielle is using so sure about what she is doing. The problem is that I've felt like I have been floating around without a net. No purpose, no plan, no nothing (yes, I just used a double negative).

I quit my job as Director of Operations in February of this year. In the shortest amount of words possible, the last few months of my employment turned into a living nightmare. My work environment was a toxic one for me and I knew that I no longer was doing my best work. So, I finally had enough and left. Someone, who has known me for years, had recruited me to his place of employment and it was the only decent lead I had in a very long job search. I now find myself back working in my previous line of work: mental health.

I now work for Kadima Jewish Social Services as a Case Coordinator (aka - case management). I never thought I would end up back in this line of work, and wasn't too entirely convinced that I made the right decision when I starting working for Kadima. Actually, now that I think about it, I sobbed on my first day of work. I was back working in mental health (a field that I was trying to leave behind when I got my master's degree) and was getting the paid the lowest ever since graduating with my bachelor's degree in 2001. To top things off... there was no orientation about the job; since I had completed all of my employment paperwork prior to my first day, there was nothing for me to do; no one was available to even give me a tour of the place because all of my supervisors came back from vacation the day I started...let's just say it wasn't a good first day. I also had to shadow one of my co-workers who complained about everything (which I found out later that this is what he does and it drives everyone crazy). So, as I was leaving the building, I bumped into one of the group home mangers. Since this is a small organization, it was obvious that I was new. The group home manager must of saw the look on my face as I was leaving the building for the day because she told me, "Trust me. It doesn't seem like it, but you will like working here. It was only the first day."

It took longer than the first day to come to terms with my new job. I was looking for employment during the first few months of being at Kadima. After being ignored or being told "you have impressive skills and education, but you are not what we are looking for", I decided the time wasn't right to look for a new job and now trying to make the best of things while working at Kadima. Some opportunties have opened while working with Kadima. I am back doing art therapy with adults with chronic mental illnes ontop of my case coordination duties. The Kadima clients love the art therapy class since I am teaching them more than how to do crafts. Also, I am providing one of the few opportunties for the clients to be in control of a group (making it their own). So it's a good feeling.

Opportunties outside of Kadima have also presented themselves as well. This past winter (a few months prior to leaving my previous job), I started to attend Unity of Farmington Hills which was previously known as Church of Today West. As implied in the title, the church is affiliated with the Associated of Uniy Churches. The church is much different than my catholic upbringing and my experiences with Unitarian-Universalist Church (no relationship with Unity). After searching for a congregation, I feel that I finally found my spiritual home. The philosophy of the church matches my own beliefs about Christianity and its role in my life. Attending this church has opened some opportunties for me as well. I participate on the Communications Team which works on recuriting new membership, name branding, and many other things. Through my participation on this committee, it has open doors for me to use my academic study of nonprofit business. I start some consultation work for the church this Tuesday since the church is going through change (attempting to grow from a small church to a bigger one). I've also connected with a woman who is starting her nonprofit and needs guidence in how to get it set up and running. While both consultation jobs are pro-bono, I will get the much needed experience.

For more information on Unity, you can go to: http://www.unityonline.org/

Lastly, the lack of movement on doctorate school. Yes, I will admit that I have not moved much in this area. That is changing. While I am on vacation this week, I am working on a long-range calender to move things along. Because as so many people have told me, "You need to get back in school." Once vacation is over on Thursday, I will have the majority of my plan completed in getting back to school. I have decided that part of this plan will include a regular blog of my activities. Not only will it keep you informed, but it will let me reflect on what I am doing as well.

It's been a challenging and difficult year. While this year hasn't produced what I expected, it has provided opportunties to grow none the less. Thanks to everyone that have been my cheerleaders this past year. I don't think I could have gotten through some of it with out you.

More to come...

So, what are you going to do now?

Written April 30, 2007

As I sit here on my bedroom floor, listening to the rain hit the window I will now contemplate the all encompassing question that many of you have asked since graduation, “What are you going to do now?” For me, it is such a loaded question.

Oh, what to do, what to do. Historically, I have never been usually an indecisive person. I knew what I wanted and nothing was going to get in the way of it. Lately, I have been indecisive about what my next moves in life. Is it because I started fresh out of high school thinking I would do one thing and wound up doing something completely different? Is my own self-loathing about my job that prevents me from trying to obtain a new one (for fears that the next job will send me spiraling down further into the depths of hell)? Is it that I have watched my annual gross earnings drop $6,000 from the time I graduated with my BA? Or, have I just gone completely insane? Dunno.

For now this is what I do know.

I now know that I want to get a doctorial degree. Before, I was heavily debating between attending law school and chasing after a Ph.D. I have received very good advice from many, but two women with their law degrees gave me two pieces of valuable advice. One, if I did decide to go to law school it didn’t matter which one I went to because all of them have the same standards. Therefore, I would be getting a good education anywhere I went. Two, I need to decide whether I was going to pursue teaching, lecturing or researching in the academic world. Most universities prefer a Ph.D, and that it might be tough to find a spot in the academic world with a JD. During the commencement ceremony in December, I actually decided on a Ph.D. While I was sitting there waiting as others were getting their moment to shine, I was actually thinking of ways to expand the research I did on my thesis. You would think that:

- after staying up every weeknight until 3 am and using every spare moment of your weekend writing

- listening to your boss talk smack about either the time you had to take off to get caught up on the paper (of which I only took a total of 4 days in a 15 week semester) or about how awful it is to write a thesis paper

- living off of credit cards for three months because you need all of your cash flow for tuition payments

one might not want to even speak about their paper ever again. I know plenty before me developed facial tics if you even mention the word thesis. Me on the other, I am sitting at the commencement thinking about all the things I could have added to that fucking thing! Most people are elated that their paper passed the mustard and the nightmare is over. I, on the other hand, kept thinking about what more I could do to expand my thesis research. So, I started my research into doctorial programs. However, I ran into a small problem. I don’t really know what I’m looking at. I am the only one in the family to make it this far in school (and the first on my dad’s side to get through college period). Now, I am in the process to schedule an advising appointment and hopefully get some answers.

To be continued…