Written April 30, 2007
As I sit here on my bedroom floor, listening to the rain hit the window I will now contemplate the all encompassing question that many of you have asked since graduation, “What are you going to do now?” For me, it is such a loaded question.
Oh, what to do, what to do. Historically, I have never been usually an indecisive person. I knew what I wanted and nothing was going to get in the way of it. Lately, I have been indecisive about what my next moves in life. Is it because I started fresh out of high school thinking I would do one thing and wound up doing something completely different? Is my own self-loathing about my job that prevents me from trying to obtain a new one (for fears that the next job will send me spiraling down further into the depths of hell)? Is it that I have watched my annual gross earnings drop $6,000 from the time I graduated with my BA? Or, have I just gone completely insane? Dunno.
For now this is what I do know.
I now know that I want to get a doctorial degree. Before, I was heavily debating between attending law school and chasing after a Ph.D. I have received very good advice from many, but two women with their law degrees gave me two pieces of valuable advice. One, if I did decide to go to law school it didn’t matter which one I went to because all of them have the same standards. Therefore, I would be getting a good education anywhere I went. Two, I need to decide whether I was going to pursue teaching, lecturing or researching in the academic world. Most universities prefer a Ph.D, and that it might be tough to find a spot in the academic world with a JD. During the commencement ceremony in December, I actually decided on a Ph.D. While I was sitting there waiting as others were getting their moment to shine, I was actually thinking of ways to expand the research I did on my thesis. You would think that:
- after staying up every weeknight until 3 am and using every spare moment of your weekend writing
- listening to your boss talk smack about either the time you had to take off to get caught up on the paper (of which I only took a total of 4 days in a 15 week semester) or about how awful it is to write a thesis paper
- living off of credit cards for three months because you need all of your cash flow for tuition payments
one might not want to even speak about their paper ever again. I know plenty before me developed facial tics if you even mention the word thesis. Me on the other, I am sitting at the commencement thinking about all the things I could have added to that fucking thing! Most people are elated that their paper passed the mustard and the nightmare is over. I, on the other hand, kept thinking about what more I could do to expand my thesis research. So, I started my research into doctorial programs. However, I ran into a small problem. I don’t really know what I’m looking at. I am the only one in the family to make it this far in school (and the first on my dad’s side to get through college period). Now, I am in the process to schedule an advising appointment and hopefully get some answers.
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