The Evil Girl Scout Cookie

Yes folks, its that time of year again. Where a girl scout (or scouts) come to your doorstep and sell those irresistible cookies. Only nowadays the girls scouts don't come to your doorstep, but still manage to be everywhere ready to sell that delicious treat that you've been waiting for all year. I know that between my sister and I we've somehow managed to buy 10 boxes of sinful delights. Then again, it is also that dreaded cookie that spoils many diets across the country.

I just finished reading Feed Me: Writers Dish About Food, Eating, Weight, and Body Image. This book is a collection of stories from women about their relationship with food and body image. I found this book insightful, even though much of it wasn't exactly a new concept. Basically, many of the stories talk about dieting, eating disorders, attitudes towards how a woman's body should look, etc. Reflecting on the love/hate relationship women have with food and their bodies. What I found so insightful about the book was that it got me thinking about my own current battle as my sister as so termed, "fightn' the fatty".

I was never a fat kid growing up, but I wasn't skinny either. I definitely didn't take after the rest of my family either. All of whom were (and still are) skinny and have metabolisms that could easy match bumble bees. I have the distinct pleasure to take after the side of my family that added weight easily and could not take it off without submitting to an exercise regime that resembled torture. Oh and I probably should mention that I also have Irish, Italian and Lithuanian backgrounds. All of which feature carbs as their main staple for their cuisine. Because apparently, carbs are suppose to be a woman's worst enemy. Potatoes, Pasta, and Dough-Filled Dumplings UNITE!

Despite this pesky inheritance, I was a very active kid and wasn't home very often. I usually could be found biking or walking throughout the town I grew up in. This lead to a muscular physique, plus the very full figure I got while going through an early puberty. I didn't become really conscious of the food/body image relationship until right before my freshman year of high school when I had to get a sports physical from my doctor. The nurse that was recording my vitals had made a comment about my weight in relation to height according to the new and improved height/weight chart in the office. Her comment was that I was a little above average weight and for my below average height. I thought it was entirely bitchy thing to say since the doctor didn't seem to have a problem with my height or my weight which was at 125 lbs.

A year later, when I had to go back for another sports physical. I had participated in 2 sports and managed to drop my baby fat. I was at my lowest weight ever at 116 lbs. The same nurse happened to be taking my vitals again. That time she had the nerve to ask me if I was anorexic. At the time, I was thinking to myself, "can she make up her mind what exactly I am supposed to be?"

I haven't thought about that incident until I started reading the book. Reflecting upon that incident, it is no wonder why women are so screwed up about food and body image. Not only women are fighting images from mass media, but now we are fighting it in the doctor's office too! To this day, I hate being weighed in by my doctor. This hate/fear has grown since my diagnosis of PCOS eleven years ago. No matter what diet/exercise plan I followed, my weight seemed to have a mind of its own since coming down with PCOS.

Even though I now have a doctor and his nurse who are much kinder to me about my weight complications due to the PCOS, I still cringe out of reflex. (I am now appox. 175-180 lbs with the PCOS when I was 125-130 before the diagnosis). My current doctor is more constructive with how to manage weight, food and activity than others doctors I've had. I don't feel (or made to feel) less human in his office because of the weight which is helping me cringe less at the scale. Even though I am considered obese according to the BMI index, I have good cardio endurance, low blood pressure and normal cholesterol levels.

I did have this goal of losing a certain amount of poundage before my 30th birthday in 2 months. However, I am now altering that goal. Since reflecting on my own weight/body image relationship, I have been able to conclude that setting up such a goal is a recipe for failure. So instead of losing a certain amount of poundage by my birthday, my new goal is to actually accept my body's limitations and be more forgiving on myself. Now while this doesn't completely open the flood gates in eating whatever I want, but it will allow me to enjoy my evil girl scout cookies that much more.